I asked Desmond,"Do you really think that he loves you?". Desmond said,"i am proud of his love for me".
I said,"If he really loves you, then why couldn't he stand seeing yourself happy with your friends?". Desmond blinked at me. I said,"Your boy friend doesn't trust you. He actually feels insecure and jealous of you" Desmond looked at me angrily.
I said,"If he really loves you, then why wouldn't he let you have close friends? He is jealous of your happiness. He just couldn't stand seeing yourself happy with other guys. He couldn't stand seeing you laughing with your friends. He couldn't stand seeing you spending time with your friends. It is not love. It is jealousy. He wants you to be happy only with him. He wants you to spend time only with him.Now tell me, is this what you call as 'Love'?"
Desmond thought that i was right and he wanted to discuss this with his boyfriend.
Hey guys, do you think that i have poisoned his mind? Do you think that i was wrong?
Everyone of us have different opinions on different issues. I invite you guys to share your thought about this.
My friend Jayan told me that he would let his girl friend to sleep with other guys, but would want her to return back to him at the end of the day to be in his arms. Does that mean Jayan doesn't love his girl friend?
A married couple doesn't mind swapping their partners for a day or two with their best friends.Is it because they do not love each other?
One of my friend's wife knows that her husband is sleeping with other woman and she is okay with him as long as he care for her and for the family. Should we say that she doesn't love her husband?
My friend Johnson get a call from his wife every half an hour to ask him his whereabouts and whatever he is doing. And every time Johnson tell lies to her saying that he is held up at work. He doesn't want to hurt his wife by saying that he was visiting one of his female friend. Do you think that his wife loves him?
One of my female friend knew that her husband has an extra marital affair and she just couldn't stand this. This friend of mine is so fat that her husband doesn't enjoy sleeping with her. She knew that, that is the reason for him to stray. But she wouldn't let him spend his time in peace. What is the feeling that she has for her husband?. Love? Jealousy? Possessiveness? Insecurity?
Would you hate your baby if the baby laughs and feels happy in your neighbour's arms? Won't you let your child to play with their best friends? Won't you let your best friends to spend time with your other friends? Would you refuse to love your child, when the child says that he wants to be left alone for few days? Is the love that you have for your partner is different from the love you have for your siblings and parents?
We have always been told that true love is to have one partner for life. This has many reasons behind. If one partner for life is maintained, then there wouldn't be the problem of time sharing, commitment and other health related issues. But how would you prove your true love for someone? Being possessive?
Can "Sex" be related to "Love"? Can you measure somebody's love with "Sex"? If you find your partner seeing somebody regularly, would you mind it? If yes, then why?
Is it because you don't want your partner to have another person in his/ her arms? Is it because you don't want your partner to be cheered up by another person? Don't you want your partner to get something that he is missing from your existing relationship with him? Would you argue that your partner has to bear you for all your shortcomings in the name of "LOVE"?. Would you expect your partner to sacrifice the special feelings and urges,in the name of "LOVE"?.
Why should everybody think that having sex outside of marriage or outside of the so called RELATIONSHIP, is not acceptable?
Can anybody, who has a valid and meaningful answer can enlighten me on this please?
Luv u all
Uma
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The answers are in this article itself...
ReplyDeletesimple... Greed is the root
We fail to understand love is our very being...
If we are not in joy, how can you share joy with the ones around you?
WONDER FULL FEELINGS, CLASSIC & Excelent. I proud on your feelings
ReplyDeleteI agree with you Sunny. Hope you are doing good. Waiting eagerly to meet you :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the appreciation @yamdoot.
ReplyDeleteThis is ridiculous...we are marchin towards the western culture....This is an unaceptable....If you found your wife is fat and you can't able to sleep with her..help her to reduce the weight or tell her what u want..defnitely our partner will listen to you and no one is in the urge if breaking the partnership...sex is not only the life there are lot many things in life...This blog not talked about the LOVE it talks about the current scenario happens in families near us or may be in our own...Its all in individual had how he takes it and how he overcomes any issues ...I am really sorry and I am strongly disagree on this...James
ReplyDeleteU might be right from your point of view but this is not digestable for everyone. We have some cultures which does not permit us to share the family values. This is hot topic to be discusssed. Friends, please send in your comments.
ReplyDeleteThanks
Ajith
Hi James, Thank you very much for your comments.
ReplyDeleteBut when does "western culture" creep into our society? I think you forgot our own historical characters of the great epic of Ramayan and Mahabharath. I don't want to deviate from our main discussion by opening another discussion by discussing about the life of those characters described in those epics. But everyone of us knew the stories. And it is told that western countries did not exist in those days. Don't you agree with me?
And i have come across many couple who don't even have the intimacy to talk about the physical appearance of each other. Leave alone the question of discussing the size of their body. Neither the husband nor the wife can open up this topic for a discussion, in our society, unless they have that intimacy between them.
I do agree that sex is not the only important thing in an intimate relationship. Then why does people raise a hue and cry when some one have sex out of their marriage Or if they talk about an intimate relationship out of their marriage? Is the feeling of insecurity that troubles them? Or what exactly is the reason to rebel against the act?
Don't you think that we have been told and taught to treat things in that way, rather to let us take our own decisions? Don't you think that we have been told to follow some rules on which we have our own opinions?
You agree that sex out of marriage is happening in our society by saying that my Blog talks about the current scenario that happens in families in our neighbourhood and it might happen in our own home too. But do not forget that this is NOT a CURRENT SCENARIO.
So, finally it boils down to the individual's choice. It is the person who make the decision in life about sex and love.
I have just shared my views about your comments here.
I would finally like to quote here:
“Wise married women don't trouble themselves about infidelity in their husbands” ~ Samuel Johnson
And i would also repeat it by replacing women with men and it goes like this -
“Wise married men don't trouble themselves about infidelity in their wives” ~ Uma Mahi.
Ajith, what are the family values are you talking about? Can you explain your words "family values" and "cultures" please?
ReplyDeleteMy take is a lil different. It has nothing to do with Love or maybe even Sex. We are a smart being, we are intelligent and we have developed all these concepts of love, marriage and partners to keep ourselves from being sane. At the end of the day we are still animals whos instinct is to ensure that our genes and only our genes are propagated and that makes us set these rules of 1 partner and define love in that context. I think it will be a difficult thing to break that instinct anytime soon.
ReplyDeleteIf we ask an individual about his own personal views of these non-set "Rules", he would give his comments like Ravi. But i don't think he would give the same comment sitting along with his community. Because as you said, the set rules are difficult to break. Because man has been treated as an animal for so long that he forgot to use his sixth sense to analyse the real impact of every action in his life. He is been told to follow, the so called "rules" without questioning; blindly. And you will be stamped as a rebel, insane, anti-social, if you dare to question the "rules". And i wonder who has set the "rules"?
ReplyDeletebetter you ask this question with your mum . Is it possible for you to do what you want?. You are very clever to advise others but never you will follow.
ReplyDeleteOnakahave oru kural iruku
solvana yarkum elitham ariyathu solliya vanam seiyal
Meaning puriyalaina valluvata poi kelu.
@ Franco. I didn't advise anybody. I have just shared my thoughts and i always agree that everyone have their own opinion on things. So naturally the way of dealing things differs from person to person.
ReplyDeletesex shld not be related to love...
ReplyDelete@arun That single sentence popped too many questions in my mind. Can you please use more words to project your views?
ReplyDelete@franco u quoted the kural wrong too !!! solvana yavarkkum eliya , ariyavaam solliya vannam seyal !!!
ReplyDeleteMy view is that one can go to bed with another person (same or different sex) for various reasons - physical, monetary, thrill, or compulsive needs, but to develop an affection or passion for that person it requires the matching of the wavelengths . The matching of wavelength is in my opinion a very interesting subject and scientifically one could link it to pheromones (otherwise how can one explain the attraction between opposites). I opine that love between people of dissimilar nature lasts longest.
ReplyDeleteI do agree with you that the extent of illicitness is more prominent now. This would seem so because of the freedom to press and the easier access to www. You can therefore never evaluate whether promiscuity has increased.
It is an interesting topic and one can talk about it for ever.
@sankars Thank you very much for your comment sankar. I strongly agree with your views. Have a rocking weekend. :)
ReplyDeleteIf love is true, i beleive the things u said like jealous possesiveness cant survive in front f love and the sex i think sorry no idea that depends on individual's view
ReplyDeleteThanks for you comment rajeev. What is true love and what is false love?
ReplyDeleteVery thoughtful post, Uma. There's a fine balance between love, caring and tenderness on one hand and jealousy, suspicion and posessiveness on the other. There are no absolute answers: so much depends on the particular couple, their dynamics and histories...
ReplyDeleteAnyway, keep writing :) ramki
Thanks for sharing your thoughts here Ram. Nice to know that you spared some of your time to read my blogs. Have a great week ahead. Hope your research is going good. Do read my other blogs too. Best Wishes. :)
ReplyDeleteUma, I think "sex" is only a single facet of the larger entity called "love"
ReplyDeleteAgreed, Hema. Thank you very much for your comment. Keep reading and posting your comments. That encourages me to put my views here to you all.
ReplyDeleteJust one question ma, sex or love where does it originate. either from mind or heart.
ReplyDeletethough heart has been symbolized with love, we all have hearts and we know what best we use with our hearts. hearts don't think nor relate. so from my perception sex and love are correlated to the thought. sex absence of love or love empty of sex is futile.
seldom understand what marriage is. most of heavenly marriages turn hell, just because of possessiveness and domination. if each of us understand that live and let live synchronizes relationships towards the path of joy and enduring.
life is uncertain and we can't predict our own life span and future. if so how can we be possessive with kith n kin.
love is not defensive. it's an inner flowering. love cannot happen to one or few. had it happen in us, we feel the existence.
it's difficult to comment on this blog, because each of us live in a different atmosphere and it's for he / she to decide what best fits them.
yes uma, jealousy and possessiveness are obstacles for a healthy relationship.
i enjoyed to comment on this blog, thanks dear
Thanks for the comment Manoharan
ReplyDeleteAppreciate your Daringness Uma!! :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you for the appreciation Suresh. What do you feel about it?
ReplyDelete